Weeks 6 & 7 - Who run the world? GIRLS.

Week 6 was.. well.. just meh. I’m freakin’ tired, guys. Just plain ‘ol tired. I felt like I barely made any progress in week 6. There were more elliptical days than I would have preferred, I continued to not eat so great, and I wasn’t super into my work out. I missed yoga again because crappy weather kept me out of work and home with Noah for the day on Wednesday, and that makes three weeks in a row when I’ve missed one of my two weekly classes. It was such an uneventful week I barely have anything else to say. I also suffered from “brick foot” for most of the week. Brick foot is a term I made up, and I hate when it happens. It’s almost like my entire lower legs cramping-but not. I get this sensation that my lower legs and feet are useless and my feet feel like bricks, and then I’m just sort of flopping them through the stride instead of using those muscles. It doesn’t necessarily hurt or hinder me, it just feels weird and bad.

I started this week with more weight gain, which is disappointing to say the least. I kinda knew it before I stepped on the scale. I didn’t feel like I had lost anything and I was afraid I would have gained, and I was right. I went from 171.6 to 173, and it made me feel like I took one step forward and two steps back.

On a different note, I also started off week 7 realizing that things are finally getting more difficult and will continue to until my race. Something about 2-3 miles or 25-30 minute runs seemed so innocent and doable. I’ve been comfortable with the 5k distance, even if I am slow. This week started off with a 4 mile run and I realized “shit… that’s more than 50% of the distance of the race”. 4 miles isn’t even that far, but something about going from 3 miles to 4 seemed daunting. As with most things that seem daunting, it went fine. My pace continued to progress and I only thought my lungs were collapsing once.

I thought I was set up for a *normal* week, and then the flu hit our house. Adam has finally learned the lesson I have been trying to teach him for 4 years - JUST GET THE DAMN FLU SHOT. I was on super-mom mode all week caring for him, Noah, the doggie, trying to keep our house together, attempting to feed everyone, and get started on my new courses. I let Adam be miserable and sick for a few days before I said "Honey..... have we learned our lesson????????"

Needless to say, I was freakin' exhausted. I was hoping I would get over the energy slump in week 6, but it only exaggerated. I was able to do all of my training plan, though, even got in a slow jog on a day I was convinced I was getting the flu, too. Cooper needed a walk, I wanted to get out of the germ infested house, everyone was sleeping, so I put the monitor on max volume next to Adam's head and said "screw it, if I collapse then I'll just use the cool emergency call feature on my phone". I kid, I kid. It actually felt pretty good to go out for a slow jog and enjoy it rather than going for speed/distance. I also successfully evaded the flu and Noah only got a cold (we both got our flu shots, ADAM). 

I suppose the good news is that after the 4 mile run I finally felt like I could run the 10k tomorrow and not die. I think getting past the 50% mark is the biggest hurdle. It seems impossible when you're only running 2 miles at a time, but continually improving and feeling okay-ish at a distance that's more than halfway there makes it seem so much more doable. 

Song of the week: Run The World (Girls) by Beyonce - Ladies, if you need to motivate yourself to do literally anything, put this song on and kill it. Works every time. Also, if you watch the video, please note my favorite moment at 2:31 when she hikes up her boobs. Girl, YES. 

Weight check in: 173... bummer. 

Week 5 Midweek Special - BUMMED OUT.

Guys. I am supremely bummed out.

This is the first week in my training plan that I haven’t lost weight, and it’s kind of a crummy way to start week 5. Boooooooooooooooooooooo.

I only weigh in once per week, and I was so excited to weigh in today. I was convinced that I was going to finally be back under 170. I started week 4 at 170.2 pounds, so I would have only had to lose .3 pounds to be satisfied. Not even half a pound! It seemed like a no-brainer. I hit the sub-170 numbers back in the fall before I started what I lovingly called “my fat kick” and ate whatever I wanted. I was running consistently and really didn’t even bother with watching what I ate. Ah, how glorious that sounds.

I stepped on the scale AAANNNND! I gained 1.4 pounds. Bummer.

I knew this would come eventually. I had seen great steady losses each week since the beginning, so the proverbial shoe had to drop at some point. I just wish it didn’t come on the week I was so excited to finally bust through 170. I remember back when I was sort of horrified at being 150 pounds. This was during high school when I first became aware of my weight and what that meant in the social structure that is teenagerhood. As I got older I did fluctuate up and down here and there, but any time I approached the 150 pound mark I was just disappointed in myself. 170 is my new 150. I felt like once I got under 170 I would be okay, I would be able to get back my goal weight. I had enough self-discipline to do it.

I think we (the greater “we”) likes to attribute our weight to *reasons* more complex than our own behavior. I remember any time I made a comment about my postpartum weight people would say “well, you have a good reason”. Yeah, I did. For a while. But my son is going to be 2 in May and I still carry around 30 extra pounds. That’s what some (very lucky) women gain during their entire pregnancy. It felt like a tool to avoid a topic they may not have been comfortable commenting on, and I get that. But I didn’t feel like my pregnancy over a year ago really a good excuse for still being that much over my normal weight. It was the fact that I sat on my butt in a chair at a desk all day and didn’t want to put the energy into working out. Okay, continue to hear me out.

There are absolutely biological/physical/mental/emotional/etc *reasons* a person gains or loses weight. I have a vivid memory of my first ever boyfriend breaking up with me over the phone. I heated up spaghetti-O’s, sobbed, and ate the entire bowl with total detachment to the fact I was shoving those perfect little O’s into my mouth. There are also lots of genetic, biological, physical, etc., that impact a person’s ability to lose weight. My body changed quite a bit after pregnancy and the physical changes, how I hold fat, and my changed routine have been a huge factor in my ability to get back to my healthy target weight. I even have some of those unchangeable, not-my-damn-fault issues with my biology and chemistry that make things difficult. For example, I have extremely low iron and have had it my whole life. I have known this simple fact since I was in high school and attempted to donate blood to get out of class. The nurse tested my iron levels, laughed, and sent me to the school nurse immediately. 

Somewhere in my overtired overworked mom brain I still know I have very low iron. I know that me wanting to lay on the couch and eat chips and watch Planet Earth because I’m so fatigued may be more than just being tired. It was up to me to see my doctor about that and I didn’t for a long time, mostly because I didn’t feel like dealing with insurance and getting a new PCP and making the appointment and blah blah blah. When I finally got around to it, my PCP ordered blood tests because my chart shows I have had low iron in the past. The results came back and he was like 'HA YEAH over the counter iron pills ain’t fixing you'. I did a few months of weekly IV iron infusions to get my levels back up to a normal range and now take my iron pill every night without fail. Being in the 170’s for so long was, to me, a reflection on my behavior more so than my ability to lose weight or not. It wasn’t my blood’s fault I waited for so long to see my doctor. Also... french fries. 

Mainling coffee. Jk. It's iron.

So what does that have to do with anything? Well, I do have some good *reasons* to still be carrying this extra weight. I had a big baby and gained 70+ pounds despite having pretty normal pregnancy activity/eating habits. I am a full time graduate student, full time mom, I work full time, I have a commute, I have to sleep at some point. My body is different. I have a house to clean. I have a partner that I want to spend time with. I’m an introvert that wants to have some time alone. I’m planning a wedding. You get it. I have rattled off this list of very good *reasons* a million times, but to me, it’s moot. Truly. Lots of people do lots of things every day.

It’s the whole reason I started this training plan. Yeah, I have one billion things on my plate but that’s not a reason to be unhealthy. So why the heck was I so bummed about less than two pounds? Mostly because I used stupid reasons to make stupid decisions. I ate 9 delicious chicken wings on Friday at work for free-wings-for-the-Superbowl day instead of 3 or 4 and something healthier. I had a few delicious beers when I got home instead of just one. I didn’t even want to know how over my calories I was, so I stopped logging them after the 5th chicken wing. I decided to get a greasy Five Guys burger after 90 minutes of hot yoga and an hour long walk with Cooper instead of using all of those spare calories wisely. Honestly though, I don’t regret that. I don’t regret eating 9 wings, either, but I do wish I had used the opportunity to have some yummy stuff in moderation and then get some other yummy, healthier stuff to go along with it.

I also wish I had not let my previous weeks of success convince me I could get away with bad choices for a few days and not see any impacts. Do I care about a freakin’ pound in the long run? Hell no. But I had a goal in mind, I was so, so ready to say goodbye to 170 and never come back, and I botched it with Five Guys and beer. At least it tasted good.

Week 5: The Hot Mess Continues

Is there any week that’s NOT a hot mess when you have a toddler? Honestly. Hot mess brigade, over here. 

Why the hot mess, you ask? Well, we started this week with a 3 mile run on Sunday and I was so tired that I would have rather laid down and melted into the floor than put on my running shoes. I wrote about that last week, but technically Sunday’s are the beginning of my “new” week. My exhaustion didn’t improve once the work week started and several people told me I looked “… kinda tired…” on Monday. They were right, and part of that is probably because Cooper and I got our butts up before 6am and went for an hour long walk Monday morning. I was hoping to get over my sluggishness on Tuesday, but I got a call from Adam that he was picking Noah up from daycare because – DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNN – explosive diarrhea was making a comeback in our family. 

I just about dropped to my knees to pray to Jesus, Mary, and All The Saints that we wouldn’t endure another week of a near-death-stomach-bug again. Someone out there in the Universe heard me and Noah was pretty much back to normal after sticking with the BRAT diet and taking a long nap. We kept him home on Wednesday just in case, so I wasn’t able to get my usual yoga class in. I did use the opportunity to make up the missed running day and tried out my new elliptical!

The elliptical is in our 3-season room right now, which is a udder and complete disaster (HOT MESS). It had carpeting previously and the residents before us did not take care of it, so it was ripped out when we moved in. It’s now down to the original stone floor with a bunch of gnarly leftover adhesive (thankfully no longer sticky, though). Our plan has been to put down temporary padded flooring, move Noah’s bigger toys out there when the weather is nicer, and spruce it up a bit. Right now it’s just basically a dumping area for our fire wood and kindling… and now my elliptical. Cooper stood there looking at me like “hey… lady.. you know we can just go run outside, right?” Of course we would both prefer that, but options are limited when you’re home alone with a sleeping baby. I quickly remembered how much I despise working out on gym equipment, mostly because I can see how much time has passed – or worse, how much time HASN’T passed. Seriously? I’ve only been doing this for 4 minutes?

My longest Strava title yet

I thought going out to Mines Falls, our favorite local trail running spot, would be a good compromise for Thursday. The forecast originally said it would be in the mid-40s (perfect), but it changed and we got a dusting of snow instead. I figured the January thaw would have taken care of a lot of the ice. Heh. I was very wrong. We started on the less-traveled half of the loop and did our best to avoid dislocating our knees and bruising our egos. The trail was mostly ice with a thin sheet of snow evilly disguising it. Perfect. We also encountered two off-leash dogs, which is not always great for Cooper. He’s a very lovable laid back dog, but he’s very protective and has fear aggression issues with other dogs. This is hugely exaggerated when he’s on a leash (he plays with dogs well at daycare, but not so much on a leash). One of the off-leash dogs was a great listener but it was still tough to navigate past them while trying to not break a hip… the other off-leasher, not so much. 

This is just a general PSA, but having your dog off-leash should hold the same theory as driving in bad weather – it’s the other dogs that may be a problem. My dog is the problem, for sure, but that’s why I have him on a gentle leader and try to control the interactions he has. That is not so easy when an off-leash dog approaches us multiple times and doesn’t listen to their owner. 

I was so heated from that, trying to salvage what could hardly be considered a run, slipping horribly on ice every 10 feet, that I, for the first time, truly regretted going to the woods instead of the road. Not ten minutes later we came upon a mama and baby (more like teenage) white-tailed deer on the trail, and it was so cool that it made the whole shitty experience worth it. Cooper was very eager to show me his hunting skills and catch some venison for the family, and he didn’t really understand why letting him loose across Nashua HS South athletic fields wasn’t a great idea. 

Find the silver linings right?

Weight check in:170.2 as of 1/28.

Song of the week: Call Me in the Afternoon by Half Moon Run - THE DRUMS

Running song of the week: Heads Will Roll by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's