It's been a busy few weeks with the holidays, moving, and balancing work. Moving is essentially my worst nightmare that I've been living about once a year (sometimes more) for the past decade or so. Moving during the holidays with a very demanding infant exaggerates the misery of moving tenfold. BUT! It's done. DONE!
And that's my introduction to why I hate the Internet.
*I don't actually hate the Internet.
I have a love/hate relationship with Google, as many parents probably do. I can't tell you how full my Google search history is with baby-related things. Information is easy to access and crowd source, and it probably has cut down on a lot of anxiety for me for some things but heightened it in others. Overall, the Internet is a great tool, but there are some pain points:
1. Milestones
The Internet categorizes babies and assigns them milestones, which some babies meet and some do not. For example - "many four month olds sleep for a six-hour stint at night", "she may at least settle into a more predictable pattern for naps and bedtime" "SIMPLE SLEEPY TIME ROUTINE".
Noah was up all night every night at four months. In the woes of my sleep deprivation I eventually started just feeling like a bad mom, like I was developing bad habits for him and maybe doing something wrong. That is not the case at all, but when you read about what "should" be happening you tend to wonder why it's not, even if you are a very rational person.
2. It shows you how little sleep you get.
It's one thing to know that you don't sleep a whole lot, it's another to see the number.
*Yes, this is an actual log from my FitBit.
3. "Why It Works"
Listen, I do welcome advice, I promise. My ranting may not make it seem like I don't, but I ask for and take advice from friends, family, and, yes, the Internet. However, I am always peeved at how simple these tidbits of advice make something very difficult sound. Take for example, the dreaded world of SLEEP TRAINING. Sleep training is often a high-stress, tumultuous time, with many different "methods" and opinions, and many parents being driven to the brink of psychosis as they navigate these rocky waters. Look at this crock of shit:
"Drift off to sleep" "sleep deeply" "without interruption" "make a brief visit" "offer a quick pat" "let him fall back to sleep on his own"
Yeah. Okay.
4. Childless Adults With Little Responsibilities
I know that people other than parents get to be tired. Parents don't have a monopoly on that. However, 99.67% of childless adults have the opportunity to make up for the their tired days by sleeping in (or at all) sometime in the next 48-72 hours. I can promise you that every single time a person without children posts something about how exhausted they are, every person that has ever had an infant does this:
5. People That Think Dogs Are Children
Please lay down your pitchfork and let me explain. I love dogs, I love them a lot. I have been trying to get a dog for a long time (finances and living situation being the biggest hurdle), I am obsessed with petting every dog I see, and I want to talk about your dog. However, if you try to tell me your dog is the same as having a human child I will give you one of these:
I understand the parallels (expensive, though humans are by far and away more expensive, waking up at night, early mornings, feeding them, having someone care for them, playing with them, vet/doctors appointments, etc). I joke with my friends about their dogs being like kids, and that's fine because they are people that understand their dog is not a human child. I even consider dogs family members, and I grew up with a few dogs that were like another sibling to me and were really hard to lose. All that being said, I can tell you right now that your dog is nowhere near the responsibility of a child. /endrant.
6. Endless Opinions
Never in my life had I come across more experts than a Facebook comment thread in a parenting group. If you want some reality-show-style garbage entertainment, find yourself a thread pertaining to any of the following topics: starting solid foods, breastfeeding, sleep training, car seats, potty training, just to name a few. The Internet is truly an incredible way to crowd source great information, get fast answers from genuine people who have been there, and realize that you're not the only going through "it", whatever "it" is for you, alone. Unfortunately, though, it's just a fact that lots of people are downright mean online, because it's much easier to be shitty to your computer screen than it is to someone's face.
I say this all half in jest, because of course I'm not going to stop utilizing the Internet as I go along this parenting journey, and I know it has provided me with a lot of benefits thus far. But really, if I see one more person say how tired they are I'm going to go off the grid like my mom.... ;)
