Week... something? I lost track.

I’m back on the hot mess train! What else is new?

This time it’s not the fault of the flu, explosive diarrhea, Nor’Easters, or ice storms. This time my own body has betrayed me, and I’m very surprised it took this long to attack. I say “betrayed me” slightly in jest, because really it’s not that bad. But it is. It’s shin splints, and they SUCK. 

I had very mild shin splints with my old shoes, I mostly attributed it to the way that I was running. Then I remembered that it was probably 100 times worse because I wasn’t stretching regularly before runs. For some reason it just wasn’t part of my routine, which sounds stupid coming from someone that loves yoga so much. It’s just that stretching isn’t always at the forefront of your mind when you choose to get up before the sun and the son and stumble around the house at 5:15am trying to find your headphones. Stupid. 

Adam made a comment about how my running shoes looked worn out and it may be time to replace them, and you can bet your booty I jumped on that opportunity without a moment’s hesitation. Adam also never approves of any non-essential purchase I make that exceeds $2.99, so to have his go-ahead for a $100+ purchase was amazing. We went to our old stomping grounds at REI and I got the newest version of the Brooks Ghost shoes I had been using. The footwear sales specialist in me is screaming at the customer-me in that moment, because I stupidly didn’t check the size of my other Brooks shoes and ended up getting a pair that was a half size too small. They felt fine in the store but after a few days of using then I knew they weren’t going to work. The first long run I took in them was my longest road-run since I started my plan, and I felt great in the moment but then felt like my legs were going to fall off the next day. 

I can’t remember if I’ve ever had really intense shin splints in the past, but I think these may be the worst I’ve had. For a solid few days I couldn’t walk without pain (I could walk, it was just uncomfortable) and my shins hurt to even the lightest touch. Even a slow jog across a crosswalk resulted in the feeling that someone was whacking my shins with hot metal rods. Big bummer. 

Newest fashion statement - Ice Pack Leg

The Internet made me feel like I was totally screwed, because it (rightly) informed me that if I kept running on bad shin splints I could eventually get stress fractures in my tibia or fibula, which would then require 6 weeks of rest. I’m now about 6 weeks from the race and I’ve got a Spartan run the weekend before that, so 6 weeks off was not an option. I took the advice of friends and got to town massaging, foam rolling, and icing, and I took a few days off of high-impact stuff and stuck to yoga and my elliptical. Let me tell you, 45 minutes on the elliptical in my dark, cold sun room is about as exciting as watching damn paint dry. It was in those few days that I finally knew that I enjoyed running. I was itching to go out for early morning runs, to be chasing Cooper and the sun before the world woke up, to feel energized even after I spent a whole run saying “this sucks this suck this sucks this sucks”. 

Cooper and I hit Mines Falls, our favorite local trail running spot, this week with my well-broken-in trail runners and a plan to take it easy. We ended up running about 60% of the loop at about 60% running effort. I sang the high praises of at-home PT, because my shins hurt but definitely not so badly that I couldn’t run. I’ve run or walked just about every loop in that trail system, but I wanted to do the entire perimeter to see what the distance was, and low and behold it was almost exactly a 10k. It did wonders for my mental state, because for the first time I had the confidence that I will be able to race that distance and enjoy it. I also started to feel silly for ever doubting myself. It’s always hard to see the end when you’re at square one, convinced you’re about to drop dead form a heart attack if you take even one more running stride. But three months ago I despised running entirely and gave myself a pat on the back for running a mile without stopping and now I’m enjoying it… while also simultaneously not? It’s weird. I don’t know. But it was a great moment.


I’m hoping to get back on my training plan for REAL next week. I ordered two different pairs of compression sleeves for my legs, and I’m hoping that helps. I used compression sleeves the last time I was running regularly and they did help, but I’ve moved approximately 3,201 times since then and wouldn’t be able to find them if you paid me. I’ve also got my fancy new shoes in the correct side on their way, so once those arrive I will be the sleekest motherfucker in Southern New Hampshire. Just you watch. 

Weeks 10 & 11: Oh Shit

Welcome to my sickness blog, where I just rehash boring stories of me (and my household) being plagued by every form if sickness every few weeks. 

A week of perpetual sinus headaches and a facuet of boogers had me down for the count. It also coincided with a particularly busy week of work, absurd week of schoolwork, and very little time for rest. I had a good 'ol fashioned 6 minute meltdown, as we moms allow for ourselves every now and then, and tried to keep my head above water. I was out of any physical activity for a solid week. I finally hit the point where I realized if I used my sluggishness and stuffy nose as a reason to not exercise then I would probably not run again until May. I finally got back to yoga on Wedesnday and got a slow run in with Cooper today, and actually felt semi-okay. Semi being the key word.

I'm officially in the second half of my training plan and not feeling *that* much better about my ability. I've never doubted that I will be able to finish the race, it's more about how much I can enjoy the experience. I can drag my ass around a 10k loop, but I don't want to just drag my ass. One thing that did make me feel better was scrolling through my Strava (an app I use to track my runs). I used Strava back when I was bike commuting in Boston and got back on it once we got Cooper and I was going out for walks/runs every day. I scrolled back to the beginning and was happy to find that when I was doing things like this:

AKA, very in shape

I was also running paces like this:

Turns out me gaining a bunch of weight during my pregnancy and being a slug behind a desk isn't the problem! I'm just a shitty slow runner!

I say that in jest, but only kind of. It's a good reminder to myself that - Oh Yeah! - I was a sprinter, never a distance runner. And yes, 1.3 miles is distance for someone that competed in the 100m sprint. 

Slow running paces don't necessarily mean you're out of shape. Also, your weight may not mean you're out of shape. I've actually found it so freakin' liberating to stop weighing myself and start putting mental practice into being happy with my body now while still striving for what I want it to be. I listened to an AMAZING podcast episode with Jessamyn Stanley, hilarious yoga teacher, on my new favorite show Unladylike. She makes a great point that any body can do almost anything. She says she often gets people commenting/writing to her saying "I didn't know fat people could do yoga!" And that's not meant as an insult - they are saying that they didn't think people with bigger bodies could even do yoga, get into certain poses, would be accepted in a yoga class, etc. The episode is great for so many reasons, but it helped me remember that the look and shape of your body doesn't prohibit you from doing things. You may have to do things a little differently sometimes, but who cares. What's more important is how you feel in your body, and what you do if you don't feel comfortable. The harder work is mental, not physical. 

Song of the week: Rythym is a Dancer by Breathe Carolina, Dropgun, & Kaleena Zanders

For some reason this song reminded me of La Bouche and I had to go down a long black hole into the weird techno era of the mid-90s

LA DA DA DEE DA DA DA DA..... 

Weeks 8 & 9 - I'm Throwing My Scale Off A Cliff

Yeah. It's official. I'm over weighing myself every week. I'm at the predictable part of my weight loss / training plan when I say "THE SCALE IS JUST A SOCIETAL CONSTRUCT ANYWAY WHAT IS WEIGHT ANYWAY WHO CARES JUST LOVE YOUR BODY".

Okay, maybe not that extreme. But for real, I know I go through this shit every time, and I'm back in my predictable place, but I'm just so sick of being super bummed out about gaining a pound or two when I have PMS or eat too many bagels. It's dumb. I wish I didn't get so frustrated by it, but I do, and if I can't be okay with it then I just need to stop weighing myself. The end. 

I don't mean this to turn into a big 'ol rant about my weight, so I'm going to leave it how I left it in my negotiation with myself - stick to the calorie plan, stick to my training plan, weigh myself after my race and see what happens. Once I stopped weighing myself last week I was able to actually look in the mirror and SEE the change in my body, which is something I wasn't really focused on when I was hyper-sensitive about the number on the scale. I'm torn because the number does really matter to me, but if I can't use it constructively then I don't think I can use it at all. So, SEE YA SCALE!

In other news, I am still running around south Nashua with a dog in tow and we are both happier about the warmer weather. One day it hit the mid-50's during a short run for Cooper and I and he acted like we were running through a volcano. What kind of dog from Alabama can't handle a mild day? Jeesh.

I'm happy to say that I still feel like my body is going to explode when I run but I am somehow improving my pace with almost every single outing. I finally hit a sub-12 minute pace! Of course I've run faster miles and have for a while, but my average has been in the 12 minute mile range for a few weeks now. I know that's really slow and unimpressive in the running world, but you're talking to a sprinter, here. I would basically drag my feet and arms on the ground groaning when we had to a run ONE LAP around the track for warm-ups in track. ONE LAP. 

Finally!

It probably shouldn't have taken me this long, but I've started to realize that I have to stick with the plan no matter what. For the first month or so I would take my "off" days on Friday because I was tired from the week and didn't want to get up early Friday morning.  Sort of an okay-excuse, but not that great. I would use it on a day that didn't really need it, and then sometimes my week would blow up or Adam would have to work on the weekend and I suddenly was stuck with my elliptical instead of running outside (huge difference for me). Or I would get sick and not be able to do anything. Or my entire HOUSE WOULD GET SICK and I would be running the ship trying to keep everything afloat. The moral of the story: don't use preference to take a day off when you don't need to, because then you might be stuck with *life happening* and have no other choice. 

I'm almost to the halfway point, and my main concern isn't if I can do it or not. It's that I'll wake up the day of and just be "off". That I'll have one of those days when I don't really feel like running - my back hurts, I'm tired, I'm bloated, whatever. I want to be able to enjoy it, and I know it's going to be hard for me anyway without my running partner (Cooper). Le sigh. For now, we celebrate the fact that...

Another month bites the dust! With a check mark in every box! Hell Yeah!

Weight check in: Who Cares

Song of the week: Runnin' Down A Dream by Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers - such a fun one to run to!