Restless Life Syndrome

Ever heard of restless leg syndrome? The need to move your legs around with no real purpose other
than movement, to quiet some sort discomfort that you can't quite give a name to. Well, I have diagnosed myself with Restless Life Syndrome, a fake ailment I made up in order to attach a label to my current life condition.

Restless Life Syndrome symptoms include but are not limited to:

• Feeling the need to move around, but without direction or reason
• Pondering why I'm feeling restless in a job that seems perfect for me
• General fatigue
• Feeling like a caged animal anytime I am in the office
• Watching the days pass very slowly
• Agonizing over "next steps"
• And more!

I know your 20's are supposedly the time of uncertainty, of bouncing around from place to place, job to job, of "figuring it all out"... but no one told me the disclaimer that those things aren't always fun. I don't necessarily mean "fun" like watching drunkards sing karaoke is fun, because we all know that paying bills and taxes and whatever is never fun. I mean the kind of anti-fun that comes with being in an organization and position that you enjoy and still feeling bogged down and uncertain on a daily basis.

Anti-fun.

This is a fat lie.

I suspect that I am not cut out for an office life. I have never enjoyed it, aside from a work-study position I had in the college's Admissions office where I listened to gossip from my over-the-top boss and hung out with my peers. Office life is mundane. It's scripted boredom, even when the work is interesting. Even when you work for an organization that you really like, that does awesome work, that you would like to be a part of for a while, that has jobs that are cool and interesting and worthwhile. Office life is shitty even when you're spending time preparing to do fun outdoor things (though it can be hard to appreciate the work when those fun outdoor things are months away). No matter what, the office sucks.

The "general fatigue" symptom of Restless Life Syndrome is particularly pertinent to my days lately. Though I may be technically working less hours than I was earlier this year, and I no longer have the 7 days/week work schedule I used to, I'm still working two jobs and I'm still really fucking tired. This summer I got used to busting my ass from 8am-4pm (and still managing a group of up to 10 teenagers after, but that's a moot point) and then being done. It's been a tough transition into those days when I put in comparatively much less effort from 9am - 9:30pm. Trail life was not easy, but it was never boring.

I'm sad to see myself less and less excited to go to REI, and it's a mix of being over my "honeymoon" period there and just being worn out. I don't plan on leaving; it is a good place to work, after all. The deals are worth it, I like most of my coworkers a whole lot, and I generally enjoy my time there.

And in all of this, there is a nagging sense that I should stop complaining because I have it so good. I DO get to walk around the woods for my job some days. I get to lead eager volunteers who come out and donate their time and efforts to do trail work. Hell yeah. I get to take on projects that will help fuel the engine of this great trail system. I'm gaining valuable job and life experience with an organization that I genuinely support. Making myself feel guilty that I'm not 100% enjoying my days only makes it worse.

Restless Life Syndrome is a bitch.